Thursday, August 1, 2013

Let Me Tell You About...I Suffer from a Legitimate Cockroach Phobia



Normally I like to start a post with a picture for illustrative purposes, but today, there is no way I could include a picture of a cockroach. If I did, I could never read this post again. I shudder just typing the word cockroach! Bleck...

Cockroaches seem like a harmless insect, but I am convinced they are evil geniuses. Read my experiences with these horrible insects to understand why.

In high school, I opened my locker one day to find a cockroach crawling around my books. When I tried to get it out, it just burrowed deeper into my stuff. I had to take everything out of my locker before I could get it out. Talk about embarrassing!

Also in high school, I participated extensively in theatre. One afternoon during a dress rehearsal, I was sitting on our auditorium stage in a costume dress with a huge petticoat. All of the sudden, one of my fellow actors said, "Megan, there's a cockroach under your dress!!!" My high school was so infested with cockroaches, we made it like a game to see who could find them in the strangest place. It was funny until one got caught in my petticoats and I had to violently tear off my costume to get it out. I am not even lying right now.

Along the same lines, one of our technical crew was sleeping in a chair in the auditorium and a cockroach climbed onto his knee and perched there. Just perched. What kind of insect just perches???

One summer during college when I was staying with my parents, I saw a cockroach flipped over on its back in the kitchen. My poodle even walked by and sniffed it. The cockroach did not move. After seeing it must really be dead, I decided to be brave and sweep it up. The second I touched that cockroach with the broom, it flipped back over and started running. THAT LITTLE PUNK PLAYED DEAD!!! WHAT KIND OF INSECT HAS THE INTELLIGENCE TO PLAY DEAD???

If you are not yet convinced cockroaches are evil geniuses, read my final experience, the experience which sealed my phobia.

When I was moving to Lubbock, Texas, for my first job, I drove most of my stuff in one trip. As I was driving, I felt something touch my foot. I didn't think anything of it until I felt the sensation again. I looked down and there was a cockroach the length of my pinky running around the floorboard. I swerved my car and almost had a wreck.

Fortunately, I was able to exit shortly and I jumped out of my car. I tried to scoop out the cockroach with my shoe because I did NOT want to kill it in my car. Apparently that little bugger did not want to die, because it kept evading me by running under the seats and crawling all over my stuff in the back. It felt like my high school locker again, only bigger and much worse. I had to practically unload my car just to find the cockroach.

To slow the cockroach down, I smacked it with my shoe, almost killing it, and then flipped it out onto the ground where I proceeded to smash it into bits. Of course, this whole time, I was crying hysterically. When I called my mom afterwards, she thought I had a horrible wreck or had been kidnapped. No, I had just been traumatized by another evil genius.

I even have a couple more stories if you're interested in hearing more, but I think you get the point. I can't even watch WALL-E because it has as a cockroach in it. I saw it one time, even though it's a great movie!

Do you suffer from any phobias?

2 comments:

  1. I just found this one and got a good laugh! I HATE cockroaches! We had a bad case of them in one of my apartments and they gross me out.

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  2. Cockroaches stalk me. I swear to God. Whenever my husband is traveling, they come out of the wood work! One time there was one camping out in my shower curtain, and when I got in to take a shower, it started scurrying around my feet. I never screamed so loud in my life!!!

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Thank you for sharing your story!